2014 Here I come!

If I think back to January 2013 I NEVER would have guessed the kind of year I would have had. WO! I am humbled and feel so blessed! Now to look forward to 2014. What will this new year bring? I have some insight on a few things that I will post in a few weeks. It is all hearsay right now so I will not spread rumors. In RS today the theme for this new year was presented. Matthew 5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Sister Simes compared the work that the sisters in our ward have done to a light. She had several lanterns and lamps etc. to represent what work we have done...service, prayers, visiting teaching, meals to those in need...the list goes on. I have been a receiver of the light several times this past year. From the prayers, to meals, to kind words of encouragement to sweet gifts. I hope this year I can pass on the light. I have felt this Christmas season though that something was missing...our family. I was blessed to have my mom and her sweetheart come and visit for a few days and it felt SOOOO wonderful! We also were able to go to Oregon and visit with several family members (and friends we consider family!!) and all the more I realize that I have not spent enough time this year with those I love. I am going to try and spend more time with those I love! I also realized that I didn't take very many pictures! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? Not this year! Tuesday I start back to work. I have to say I have LOVED my time at home. I thought I would be bored. I haven't had time to be bored. I really was not planning on going back to work until the middle of the month, but darn it!, I didn't play the "Woe is me" card enough. My doctor said I can go back now. BLAH! But I am hoping that going back to work will help me to use my time more wisely. Sleeping in every morning has been so wonderful, only, half the day is gone by the time I get up and get going. D&C 88:124-125 it says; 124 Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early , that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated. 125 And above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace. These are some great words. Now to put them into action!

One Month And Counting

Every year about this time, at church our ward has a very special Sacrament Meeting. The meeting is filled with the members sharing testimony of songs from the hymnal. This is one of my FAVORITE meetings! I am never sure when it will happen, I just know around Thanks Giving and Christmas time it will happen. Well about 2 weeks ago was this meeting. What a meeting! #1. My heart was so full from all that has been happening the past few months. #2. I love to sing, but my lungs have not been strong enough for me to really sing.. #3. The first song sung..."Because I have been given much" Yes, I started to cry...And I am not a pretty cry-er. Because I have been given much, I too must give; Because of thy great bounty, Lord, each day I live I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see who has the need of help from me. Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care, I cannot see another's lack and I not share... My glowing fire, my loaf of bread, my roof's safe shelter overhead, that he too may be comforted. Because I have been blessed by thy great love, dear Lord, I'll share thy love again, according to thy word. I shall give love to those in need; I'll show that love by word and deed; thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed. Today is one month since my surgery. Wow! One month cancer free. That is so wonderful to say. This time last year I didn't even know cancer was in my body. Today I have 6 awesome scars to prove I am stronger than cancer. I also have a funny wheeze and I have an annoying cough. Both of which I have been assured will go away. My side is still sore and I have found that I use my right arm way more than I thought! Sleeping is still hard since I am a side sleeper. I have one more appointment with my lung surgeon in January and then he doesn't expect to see me again for another year. I have check up appointments for oncology and for the breast surgeon doctor also in January where I expect to get the same results of not seeing them again for another year. So from here I can only get stronger! We were able to go up to Oregon for Thanks-Giving. We were able to spend some time with dear friends (we consider all of them family)in Medford and then travel up to spend time with family in Salem. Our oldest and her husband were able to travel down from Washington to spend time with us. SO GOOD TO SQUEEZE EVERYONE! I did miss the rest of my family though. So many health problems, financial problems, time problems, travel problems... the list is long for why we can't all be together at one time. BUT so happy for the time I had. I love my sweetheart and love that I got to spend time with him traveling! Last night we had our ward Christmas Party. My heart again was so full, from a gift bag from a DEAR Lady to seeing my ward family, all the hugs and well wishes, and knowing how much I love them! I was in a room full of love! The program was great and the food de-lish! Our dear Stake President said, "We are so happy to have you HERE tonight!" That touched my heart! SUCH LOVE! BLAH! (Still crying!!!!) This Christmas we don't have money. BUT we have a testimony of love for our Savior Jesus Christ and all that he has done (and is continually doing) for us. We have a beautiful family that I pray for and give thanks for every day. We have a beautiful, warm house to live in. WE are blessed! ( Here is Some Snow Humor!)

Two Weeks Cancer Free

Its hard to believe that two weeks have come and gone already since my lung surgery. It would be great if I could say "Time Flies When You Are Having Fun." I am THANKFUL for comedians as I have their voices in my head while I am healing that give such a good giggle. The face of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbs pops into my mind OFTEN! OK..so where am I with my healing...Since the moment I was released from the hospital, Jeff has had me moving! I was released Wednesday night and Thursday morning Jeff got me up early to get into a much needed shower. Then we were out of the house most of the day as well as most days. I am so sore on my right side and I am frustrated at how little I can pick up. I don't sleep well yet since I can't find a comfortable spot. I came home with a horrible cough that I still have not been able to shake. I have a cool wheezing sound that intensifies when I walk up the stairs. Other than that, if you were to see me, you never would have guessed that I had surgery two weeks ago. I do have to go in for another chest ex-ray this week since I have a small amount of fluid in my lung and they want to make sure it has not increased. Then I have an appointment next week with my doctor (everyone is out this week for Gobble Day). He is quite happy with how well I have recovered but still wants me to listen to my body and not over do it. Last Saturday was our adult session at Stake Conference (church meeting) and Jeff and I went. My favorite question of the night was from the Stake President himself..."What are you doing here?" Well President ____ it is Stake Conference. I have had my name on over 5 temple prayer rolls, my ward has been praying for me and a United Methodist Church in Texas has been praying for me. I have a very strong testimony of prayer. IT WORKS! My heart is just over-flowing with all the love that has been shown me. The beautiful flowers, the cards and gifts have been amazing. I have learned through a few of my gifts that soft things really help recovery!!! I LOVE my soft socks and blankets! I am putting that one in the brain to remember later for others who are in pain. I have seen on Face Book several people are doing their month of things they are Great-FUll for. I have not joined in since I don't even know where to start. I have so much to be THANKFULL for. I talk to my Father in heaven several times a day telling him all the things I love. My heart is also hurting for the ones around me still battling with health or finances or family problems. My step mom has been battling health problems so much worse than my own for years now but I don't hear but little bits now and then and now I have a better understanding of the daily frustration that she has been facing. I worry about my step dad and his struggles for health. One of the men my husband works with had a very scary heart attack this week. I think that when the scriptures talk about the plagues that will be happening in the last days, it is talking more about health plagues. Several of my friends fight depression, cancer, dialysis, and other problems. I had a fun day out with my youngest daughter today and in our discussion I let her know that not for one minute, am I sorry that I have had cancer. I am THANK-FULL that my father in heaven wanted me to stretch and grow and knew I could handle cancer. I don't know what he wants me to learn from this adventure but I know that he loves me enough that he walked me through it so I could grow and someday I will need to know all this to help another. I learned that we are ALL going through something REALLY hard in our lives. Not one person is sliding through. But what we do with that hard time shows the person we are becoming. I was given the opportunity to talk to some of the young women in our ward and I shared that I have been on this path with cancer. Now it is not my choice if I want cancer. BUT it is my choice how I react to it. I can sit down and throw a temper tantrum and complain about it to who ever will sit still long enough to listen, or I can educate myself and find humor and TAKE IT ON! I have learned something about myself..."I can do hard things!" I was given some great advice from my high school friend Marlisa SEVERAL years ago when I found out our second oldest was diabetic. She said..."One day you will want to wear the red shirt, but you find out the red shirt is dirty. Cry that the red shirt is dirty, but don't cry because your daughter has diabetes. Learn how to deal with the diabetes and be happy you are helping your daughter to be healthy." I hear that advice again now...With the love of my INCREDIABLE husband I say over and over again...I CAN DO HARD THINGS!

My giggle

Jeff reminded me of something that happened in the hospital... Wednesday afternoon while waiting to see if I was going to finally get out, I had done my laps around the floor and had just climbed back in bed. I guess I dozed for a bit. I woke up to a LOUD noise! I looked over at Jeff sitting in the chair next to me.. Me: Was I snoring Jeff: (giggle) Yes Me: What to know how I know? Jeff: Yes Me: Well, my throat is dry...and I was dreaming that I was racing on my big-wheel on concrete... yep, I was making the sound of the big wheel on concrete with my snoring! That was great!

Cancer Free!

Again, this is my journaling and so I am putting personal information here..VERY OPEN...but I need to record it. I am already starting to forget some things... November 9th (Night of Nov 8th): What a night. I decided to take a sleeping pill to help me so I would not be up all night stressing over things I had no control over. I took the first of my two showers that I need to sanitize for surgery. Pack a change of clothes and my toothbrush and hairbrush and go to bed. I had set my alarm to get me up at 4am but for some reason it didn't go off. Jeff being a light sleeper, woke me up at 4:15 saying we need to leave soon. I think Heavenly Father helped me to sleep and not wake up too early so I didn't have time to piddle around. I took my second sanitizing shower, blow dried my hair, brushed my teeth and we were out the door. My check in time is 5:00 am. On the second floor we are met by my nurse for pre-op. I get to change into my stylish gown and start all the IV stuff. First poke..Oooppps..sorry...lets try again. (That will leave a bruise..)OK, IV is in. Jeff and I are doing our "entertain ourselves" routine which of course has us laughing. Nurses from the other side of the floor come over to see what the giggles are all about. We are told we made her morning. 8:00 I am headed to the operating room. Very nervous. I had to wait out side of the room for awhile since the room is not set up for me yet. I had a nice conversation with nurses (male) outside while waiting. They are surprised I am so calm. If only they knew what prayers I was saying in my heart for how scared I was. I am finally wheeled in, I move over to the operating table which is not very wide. It is ok since I will be on my side for the surgery. I am given my knock out juice and I am gone!!! Next thing I remember is (with the help of Jeff) being moved (back in my original bed)in the elevator and having two nurses that had no idea how to steer this thing. I was in and out, but knew I had a lot of pain in my side. I was given my own room this time! Hurray! And in a perfect spot on the floor. A back corner! I am so nauseous! I just do not do well with coming out of the anesthesia. They give me morphine that I can administer my self which I just get more nauseous every time I push the button. They try to get me to eat some beef broth which just makes me throw up. It is hard to breath and now try to throw up?! Not a good combo. I notice Jeff keeps dozing in the chair next to me which is not a very comfy chair. Poor man has been up since 4am. It is now 10:30 pm. I send him home. Nothing he can do for me, as much as I LOVE having him there, I need him rested. I need to go to the bathroom, kind of...not sure..think I should try it. I call the nurse (turns out to be a male nurse but at this time I just don't care..Oh, and I am on my period!) He helps me into the bath room with a walker with my chest tube contraption hanging on the front of the walker. Found out..Yes, needed to pee, yes they must have cathed me because it BURNS to pee, and yes I am covered in blood and need to change my pad and bedding. Great Start!!! Not to mention that it is so hard to breath and bending over HURTS! Trying to wipe myself and clean myself up is a huge challenge. I didn't do it very well. Because of my mastectomy with lymph nodes removed on my right side, I can only have the IV and blood work done on my left side. Blood pressure is taken on my legs. So, left side has two IV ports and lots of pokes from blood removal. Right side has chest tube and new incision from surgery and since the muscles were cut it is hard to lift my arm or even move it. Can't bend over. Legs are shaky. CAN'T BREATH! Even hard to talk. Now back up a bit. The bed I was in for pre-op is the bed I am in now. It is pretty fancy smanshy. BIG, bulky with all kinds of bells and whistles. Instead of putting leg cuffs on you to keep from getting blood clots, the whole bed mattress is inflating and compressing, all the time..all night long...all day long..always!!!! It can also take my weight. Well, it doesn't TAKE my weight (I wish!) but it can weigh me. But the nurse has to take all my pillows and lay me flat to do it. Not such a good thing.. Ok, so all night I have trouble sleeping. I doze for a minute, then someone comes and takes my blood pressure, pulse and temperature. I doze for about an hour and lab comes in to take my blood. 3 hours later lab comes in to take a chest ex-ray (yep, in bed..again they have taken my pillows! RUDE) Doze for a bit and then about 7am I have blood pressure, pulse and temperature taken again. Breakfast is coming so we have to get up in the chair. The doctor does not allow his patience to eat in bed. Its a good rule. I am on a liquid diet for breakfast. Chicken broth, Jello, herb tea. I ate the Jello. I am loving the ice they have and I can have all I want. Which is good cause I go through it! Jeff comes about 9:00 and we are out for our first walk. I have a FLAMING Red Walker! (with a chest tube contraption on the front) I am a vision of loveliness! I make it one lap around the floor and I am done. Back in bed, ready for pain killers. I doze for a bit. Now everything kind of blends together. It is all the same thing...poke,prod,pee,and can you poop? (Done with that question! But you can't leave until you poop!) I have two nurses that just make the time fun. One is in training with a lead nurse over them. I have Cindy who is the lead nurse with Ryan who is the nurse in training. They are SO fun, but you only get them for 12 hours. My friends gave me a camo hospital gown! LOVE IT! I wore it all over that place! Well, with the loss of a lobe of the lung, you get a prize of a cough. The best part is, it is hard to take a good breath to cough and the cough hurts the lung and the surgery side like nothing else. You are told to hold a pillow to your side and squeeze while you cough..it helps but only a little. Tuesday night I finally get my chest tube out. The only way to do it...cut the stitches holding it in, get a good grip and pull! I had a bit(and I mean a bit) of a clue with what it might feel like from how it felt when I got my drain tubes out from the mastectomy. But those were 1/3rd the size maybe of the chest tube. Yep, it hurts! Bad! Now have to wait to see how I do over night to see if I can go home. That night was a hard one. I just couldn't take the bed anymore. I unplugged it. I found out that when you unplug it, all the air goes out of it and it totally deflates and you feel every bar, wire, and what ever else is under that pad. I put up with that for about 2 hours and then plugged it back in. I asked for pain meds since I could not sleep and the cough was not giving up. I had just fallen asleep when lab came in for more blood. Then when I FINALLY start to doze..ex-ray...I gave up. I just won't sleep in this place. Wednesday...LONG DAY OF WAITING. I so wanted to go home. My blood pressure (taken in my legs mind you) is 158/130. Everyone is worried and start me on meds for high blood pressure. I have a bladder infection and start on antibiotics. My throat has a weird tickle that makes me cough..not that I wasn't doing a cough already..and Pretty COLORS! . We are finally released about 8:00, but need to run to Target before it closes to get prescriptions filled. They have new script pages and the doctors don't seem to know that they need to put a little number at the bottom or the pharmacy won't fill it. So two of the drugs I needed for pain and sleep I can't have. Oh Well. I know I have Nyquil waiting for me at home. Klaira makes me some mac and cheese that taste SO GOOD! Yes, I said it. I have found out that surgery also messes up your taste buds. Food has been awful. Salty foods taste good, but with the "high blood pressure" I am not to have salt. I drug up and snuggle in on my couch which has a built in recliner. Now this tickle in the back of my throat is REALLY annoying! It makes me cough. It hurts to cough. I do a little sound, hum, that sometimes helps. Jeff can hear it all night upstairs in his bed. He knows I am home! I sleep some, well, more than I did in the hospital, but not much. Jeff gets me up and in the shower to start the day. THE BEST SHOWER EVER! 5 days of no showers is not something I recommend. I was gross! It is amazing how much a shower helps. We are off and running for the day! I did better than I thought I would. I thought I would have a good night sleep..I was wrong. Really bad night. My arms kept falling asleep and my butt was just done! Trying to find a way to be propped up and comfortable is not an easy thing. When I got up this morning the swelling on my right side has swelled up to the size of a tennis ball. The pain is more intense and the stiches from the drain tube hurts. Now I like to think I am a tough gal, but I hurt. I am a bit worried about the swelling so I call my doctor's office. Yep, I'm a ninny. Nothing like feeling I have just wasted people's time. All that I am feeling is normal if not expected. "And this cough you have, why do you have it?" asked the nurse. She thinks it is allergies, I think it is a cold. SO, with all this adventure, what did we find out. I guess the tumor had been there for a long time. The lobe was shriveled up which didn't show up on ex-rays. They took the lobe and a section of airway above and below it and attached the lower lobe to the upper. They removed 3 lymph nodes and ALL of the nodes and the section above and below show...Drum roll please...NO CANCER! The cancer was contained to the tumor covering the air way. I have an appointment with the oncologist in January. We are expecting that I will not need any chemo or radiation. The oncologist may want to do chemo just to make sure, but for today, at this moment I am holding on to I AM CANCER FREE!

November

November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month. The ribbon for Carcinoid Cancer is Zebra print! ROCK IT!

Still Holding..

SOOOOOO..My first date to remove this itty bit of cancer was set up for October 21st. Then it got moved to November 4th. Then... You got it... It was moved again. UUUGGGGGGG!!!!! When I got the phone call Thursday night (I was suppose to do blood work that next morning) I will admit I cried a little. After calling my sweetheart in a panic (They were pushing for December 6th)I was able to put it into perspective again. I don't hurt! I don't even know it is inside of me. I feel great! Well... where I work is a little petri dish of every kind of germ out there... I was exposed to the flu, strep and other stuff in just one class room this week...(I started feeling yucky on Tuesday night and have been feeling a bit achy with a sore throat for the past few days)... I know that I am going to hurt when I have my surgery. But I think it is like a mother ready to face labor to get to the reward of a baby to love... I will be cancer free! Everything has been on HOLD. But, I have food in the freezer, the things that I am responsible for regarding our Women's Day activity for church is ready to go. I will get my house all spic and span this week and maybe even get some gardening done. I am scared for the un-known... how will it feel? How long will it hurt? Will I struggle with coming out of the anesthesia like I have the past two surgeries? I am at peace knowing that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I know he has brought me to this very talented surgeon who will take good care of me. I know that I have many wonderful prayers being offered up for me. I know that I have many friends and family who support me! I can do this! Scar number 6! Awesome!