Judgement vs. Responsibility

When I was growing up, to be a "good" member of the church, it was believed that you must be able to sew clothes for all of your 15 children and yourself and matching ties for all the men in your family, out of one bolt of cloth. You should be able to grind your own wheat and make homemade bread not to mention all the jars of food and jams that you canned yourself while keeping your house immaculate. You read your scriptures and go jogging 5 miles with your family every morning before sitting down to a healthy bowl of cracked wheat cereal. As I look back on these days, I can not find ANYWHERE where it says this is a must to be a member of the church. Nope, not one handbook, not one scripture, not even a book written by one the heads of the church.
As I have become a mother myself, I have seen the unwritten standard for mothers to be: Plan all 15 of your children's birthday parties with a theme, with all home made food and decorations, not to mention the invitations. You will perform your callings with fluff and stuff and handouts to the ultimate. You will look absolutely stunning while doing it! You will get up early to run 10 miles before coming home to make yourself a green shake full of kale and vegetables before making your children a healthy breakfast before sending them off to school, where you will help with the PTA, carnivals and yes, help with crossing the street! Again, it is an unwritten expectation. But who put that expectation on us? We did! I am included in that group. All the while, feeling that some how I have failed as a mother. Maybe I didn't give my children enough one on one time. Maybe I didn't read the right books to them.....it goes on and on.

Well, this past year, after spending time with my family and having long talks...I have come to the realization. PHOOY! There is not a set of rules written that make a person a "Good" member of the church or a "Good" person.

I understand that we have been counseled to seek after good thing. I fully believe in that counsel. The problem that I see is that in seeking after the good things, we have "judged" everything else as "evil" and if you do those things..you are evil. Instead, why are we not teaching "responsibility"? Let me give an example. When growing up, we did not drink caffeinated soda. I truly believed for the longest time that I would go to hell for drinking a Pepsi. Rootbeer was good. We made it ourselves at home a few times. It was fun. So what made Pepsi evil and Rootbeer good? Caffeine? As I have become an adult I am finding that caffeine is not evil. In fact, it helps with my migraines. But with my choice to use it comes....RESPONSIBILITY! I don't feel we teach enough about responsibility. Along with responsibility is acceptance of consequences. I think it is easier to just teach good vs evil.

Guns are not evil. What you do with a gun can be good or bad. To kill animals to feed your family-good. *To kill others-bad. But BOTH have responsibilities and consequences. To have a gun you have a responsibility to learn how to use it properly-good. The consequences of not learning how to care for and use it improperly can be bad. Does this make any sense? Am I just rambling? (* to kill someone trying to hurt you or your family-responsibility and consequences!)
But then it is even worse for us to judge people for the choice to be responsible. Not to mention that if you make a choice to do something, and it has a bad consequence, and you learn from it...GOOD! If you don't learn from it and keep doing it...Bad!
Let me explain that last part. I do not think drinking alcohol is good or bad. I think there are responsibilities that go with it. I choose not to drink. That does not make me good or bad. I know that I would make bad choices and be unhappy with the responsibilities that go along with drinking. Now if I had made the choice to drink and had a bad experience and made some bad choices, and I LEARNED from that choice, I would hate for people to judge me forever for that choice and not allow me to grow from it. If I did not learn from it and kept making bad choices, then yes, judge me! But lumping all people together for their choice to drink and say they are evil is wrong.

Ok, lets look at it from another perspective. If I want a new car, there are things I need to do to get the new car. I have to work hard to earn the money. I have to have a drivers licence. I have to have insurance. These are responsibilities that go along with having a car. Its not good or bad. Once I get the car I still have responsibilities. If I don't check the oil, put gas in it, change the tires...I will loose the privileges that goes along with having a car. This is how I feel about my temple recommend. I don't HAVE to have a new car. I don't HAVE to have a temple recommend. But if I do want it, I have responsibilities. I can't judge because someone else chooses to ride the bus and not have the responsibilities of a new car.


I am looking at people differently now. Yes, I do have standards of what is right and wrong. Good and Evil. I do expect people to be RESPONSIBLE for their actions and choices. But just because I am doing it one way does not make it THE way. I am catching myself more often when I am judging. Instead of Judgment, I am looking at Responsibility.

Other people's ideas of what makes me a good person or a good member of the church are just that, their ideas.