July 29

So I was told this morning that I am not sharing enough about how/how not painful all of what is happening to me is. Again, this may be too much TMI, but this is more for my journaling than anything else. I have been on my cycle during all of this and at first my cycle was more painful than my chest. I have only taken Tylenol for cramps and headaches and for two nights I took a muscle relaxer that was prescribed by the doctor. I have been really sore, but if I just hold still and get destracted, I really don't feel my chest. When I move, then I feel it. I have been wearing this "Bra" if you can call it that, it has several hooks in the front and wraps me from under my arm pits to almost my belly button. What hurts wearing it is the tubes I have for draining are stiched in and the pressure of the "Bra" on them really hurt. If I move fast or try to lift something too heavy, I feel pain. I can lift my hands over my head but my right side is still really swollen. Every day I feel different. Today I feel like something is sitting on my chest. I am almost numb feeling but then to the side of over feeling. It is hard to describe. At my doctor's appointment today, the doctor took out one of my drains. IT HURT coming out, but she was great to do the "rip it out as fast as you can" move. Now it is just really sensitive but feels so much better! I find that I am healing in one spot, only to find a new spot that I didn't realize hurt till now. But I find that I don't need meds for it. It is all do-able. I can't relax my right arm all the way down because of the swelling. I have stiches just down from my arm pit that is almost the whole side of me. I have stiches about 6 inches in length on both sides where my breast used to be. I have two small holes on my sides where the drain tubes are and stiches to hold them in. (Well, now I just have a drain on the right side with stiches, the left side is just taped up now.) I was told I can now take off the "Bra" but be careful with the drain tube. Now I feel really weird not having any stuffing. I just have tape on my stiches. It feels over sensitive having my shirt rub on my skin with no padding. I know that nerves are slowly going to be growing back and I will not feel numb/over sensitive for too long. ON to my appointment... Well...the surgery went great and THEY FOUND NO CANCER IN THE LYMPH NODES! WHAT? No cancer in the lymph nodes. Amazing! Now the doctor's first thought was that I probably will not need chemo for the breast cancer. She thinks we got it all. But I will probably need another treatment that is similar, but does not have as strong of a side effect as the chemo. BUT....that is not to say I won't need it for the lung cancer. Chemo will not effect the lung cancer right now because it is too slow growing. Chemo effects fast growing cells. Next Monday I have an appointment to go into the clinic to have the other drain tube removed. Then I will see my doctor again two weeks from then. I am waiting now to hear from the Pulmonary doctors and the Oncologist to see what they would like to do next. I have set up for August 19-22 to do testing to see if I have any other cancer lurking inside. It will be a tough week with all the testing but I am hoping that I will have healed enough that my chest will not bother me. I know that prayer works!!! I love all the text, cards, emails of love and support! This is an emotional rollercoaster! I AM BLESSED!